Peepers: Flankar 5. Tomorrow is their Festival of Florkanalia, which leaves their capital completely unguarded.
Lord Hater: That's when we suddenly--
Peepers: Not yet, sir.
Lord Hater: Yeah, sorry.
Peepers: Suddenly, a battalion of watchdogs "Hate's great, best villain, hate's great, best villain" led by Commander Peepers, secure the city for the arrival of... (pause) Now, sir.
Lord Hater: Oh, yeah.
Peepers: And they will be all, "Ahhhhh! Lord Hater is so terrifying!" - Arrggghhh! - And I'll be all, like, "Halt, you swine, and bow down to him! He is your new ruler and you will do as he says, because he is Lord Hater, the number one superstar in the galaxy!" Take that and that and that! ♪ Commander Peepers! ♪
Lord Hater: Whoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, the prettiest girl in the galaxy comes in, and she's all, "Oh, Hatey, you're so cool and powerful. I wish I had millions of people screaming my name like you." Who is the universe's awesomest evil-doer? Hater Whoo! Whoa.
(Emperor Awesome’s car crashes in)
Emperor Awesome: This isn't the car wash.
Lord Hater: Emperor Awesome, you're going to pay for this!
Peepers: With money. Hope you got good insurance, buster.
Lord Hater: And with pain!
Emperor Awesome: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill, man, chill. It's just a little ding. We can work this out, right, bro? - I thought you were cool.
Lord Hater: You, You, You think I'm...
(Freeze title)
Emperor Awesome: Gettin' there, but dolls? Not really a cool guy thing, bro.
Peepers: They are strategic figurines used for precisely plotting invasions!
Lord Hater: And we were just making fun of how lame it would be to be a dork who still plays with toys.
Emperor Awesome: Radical. Makin' fun of stuff is tight. What do you say we forget all this, and you tag along while I rage tonight. I'm talkin' power. I'm talkin' ladies. I'm talkin' millions of people screamin' your name. Lord Harry!
Lord Hater: Hater.
Emperor Awesome: Hater!
Lord Hater: Wow, hangin' with you would really elevate my street cred I mean, yeah. Sounds cool, I guess. I can chill with that.
Peepers: Sir, what about our plans?
Lord Hater: What about 'em? We'll finish when we get back. Come on, buddy, let's... (Awesome shakes his head) have you stay here and keep planning the invasion without me. Peace out. Whoa!
(Exit Emperor Awesome and Lord Hater)
Peepers: Ugh.
(Scene Change-Emperor Awesome’s limo)
Emperor Awesome: Bro, being impressed is lame. If you wanna be cool - you gotta be impressive.
Lord Hater: Whoa!
Emperor Awesome: Which starts with looking awesome. Thinkin' leather jacket for sure. Definitely a hat. Fedora? Nah. Visor? Almost. Sideways flat brim? Yeah. These line-y stripey shades are hot right now. And there's nothing we can do about your face, so let's hit the club!
(Scene change- ‘The Club’)
Lord Hater: I've gotta call Peepers! He's not gonna believe this.
Emperor Awesome: Forget Mr. Insurance Claims. Wouldn't you rather talk to... her?
(Pans to pretty girl)
Lord Hater: M-My pet's name is Captain Tim...! Face! Pretty! Your pretty face! Face pretty!
Emperor Awesome: Doin' all right, bro? Yeah, I'm bored, too. After-party! Wicked awesome. Oh, snap, roll down the window.
(Three stereotypical dorks are shown)
Emperor Awesome: Hey, bros, you lookin' to party?
Dorks: Ha! Are we ever!
Emperor Awesome: Well, too bad, suckers!
Lord Hater: Yeah, suckers!
# Awesome! #
Emperor Awesome: Psssh! Some people are just born dorks.
Peepers: He'll be back. I bet he's bored with Awesome and his phony popularity. He'll probably call any second now. Yep, any second.
Lord Hater: This is the most fun ever!
Peepers: Gaaaah! How can he be so irresponsible? He's out partying with that doofus when we have a major invasion tomorrow. What could be more important than that?
Lord Hater: Yeah! We put our faces on it!
Peepers: Come on, answer. Where are you? The fun has to be drying up by now. Right?
Lord Hater: Who is the universe's awesomest evil-doer?
The crowd: Hater!
Lord Hater: Yeah!
Peepers: What's the point? It's done. He's gone, moved on, kicked old Peepers to the curb. Probably doesn't even remember I exist. But you know what? I'm glad. Lord Hater never really cared about conquering the universe in the first place. He just wanted to be popular. Well, that is fine by me! I can handle this by myself, 'cause some of us still care about things like galactic domination!
♪ Commander Peepers ♪
Lord Hater: Dope.
Tight.
Sweet.
Sick.
You are a gentleman and a scholar, bro-rangutan.
Emperor Awesome: Yeah, so unless you've got some other super cool thing we can do, I think I'm gonna hit it. We done here?
Lord Hater: We could, uh, see who can eat pizza faster. Or go to the comic store. Oh, wait, let's tie glow sticks to our bikes and night ride.
Emperor Awesome: What? Bro, we're not dorks. We make fun of dorks, remember?
Lord Hater: No, I got a plan! I got a really good plan. You are gonna love it.
Flankar 5's resident: It's Lord Hater!
Peepers: You've got this, Peepers. You've got this.
Attention, Flankar 5. I hereby declare this planet under new rule!
Lord Hater: Pretty cool invasion, huh?
Emperor Awesome: Not as cool as makin' fun of this nerd is gonna be. Good call, Hatester.
Lord Hater: Thanks. Wait, what? No -
Peepers: Bow down to your new master!
Emperor Awesome: Oh, sorry. I can't bow that low, pipsqueak. So, dudes, are you really afraid of this runt? Loser! That guy couldn't hurt a fly.
Flankar 5's residents: He's teensy-weensy.
Flankar 5's residents: Yeah, he's tiny.
Peepers: Silence! I am your new ruler, and you will do as I say, because I am Commander Peepers of the Hater Empire!
Emperor Awesome: Aw, ha ha. He's so cute. Ha ha! Hear that, nerd? So just go back home and nerd out with your nerd toys. Nerd!
Peepers: Oh, yeah? I'm a nerd? Well, that's fine. 'Cause nerds use their brains. I set goals for myself, and then, through education and hard work, I figure out ways to achieve them.
Flankar 5's resident: Yes, but your goals are evil.
Peepers: Shut your face!
What have you got, Awesome? Hmmm? Arm bands, a hot tub? Ha! One day, you'll wake up and realize all you've got is a bunch of ugly clothes, no real friends, and as a villain, you're a failure!
Emperor Awesome: I'm sorry. You really made me think. You dorks are good for one thing. You make awesome punching bags. Literally.
Lord Hater: Nobody picks on Peepers but me!
Peepers: I really do hope you have that insurance.
(Lord Hater Ferocious Yells)
Emperor Awesome: Whoa, cool.
Lord Hater: "Ah! No, Lord Hater, please spare me. You're too cool and powerful. I surrender."
And I was all, "That's what you get for pickin' on my pal.
♪ Commander Peepers! ♪
Wander: And then, Hater was all, "Hey, maybe true friendship is better than being cool and popular."
Lord Hater: Get out of here!
(Peepers and Sylvia sigh)